Most of us avoid taking personal responsibility for conflict resolution. We often lack the courage to deeply connect with others and we personally avoid confrontation. If we have a disagreement in a business transaction or with a neighbor, we may let a lawyer take care of it. If we have emotional conflict, we may visit a therapist or counselor who we hope will tell us what to do.
The symptoms of conflict are stress, pain, and discomfort. When you take personal responsibility, you can impact the cause of the pain much faster than if you ask someone else to resolve the situation for you. Being responsible requires being open and taking an interpersonal risk to connect authentically. If you are unwilling or unable to be authentic about your feelings, you may be quick to give up responsibility, and instead take false safety and security behind a more sterile, professional process. In doing that, you give up the potential of addressing your real concerns, getting to the core of the conflict, and reaching resolution.
Delegating conflict resolution to professionals who know how to diagnose and resolve your problems is a culturally learned response. But delegation compromises us when the professionals believe they are experts better equipped to make key decisions that affect the core of our lives. These conflicts are filled with our feelings and emotions, and the professional we hand the conflict to does not have to live with the results of the resolutions.
This is a call for personal responsibility. It asks you to adopt new practices, and to assume a new attitude in the world. It requests that you take personal responsibility for dealing with conflict, differences and disagreement; and that you become ?ResponseAble.? Giving the process away deprives you of the satisfaction of ?getting to resolution.? When you are involved you are uniquely capable of designing the best resolution as well as having the energy for follow through because you own the solution. You derive value, strength, and the sense of self that full participation provides. Of course you will need guidance but there is lots of help available.
Try it…you’ll like it!